Lifestyle

‘We have sex at weekend, but my ex went cold when I asked him to get back together’ – Coleen Nolan

Dear Coleen

My ex-partner left me nearly a year ago. I’d become quite depressed and was struggling a lot in lockdown with two children – I have a son from a previous relationship and a daughter with him.

He moved about 40 miles away to be near his family and friends, but comes to stay with us every other weekend to see the children.

At first this arrangement was difficult, but over the last few months I’ve felt much better, I look like my old self again and I’m happier.

He has obviously seen the change in me and a few weeks ago we started sleeping together again. It feels like it did when things were good between us and the children are happy when he’s around.

My problem is, when I tentatively suggested that we got back together on a trial basis, he went cold.

He said he wasn’t sure it was right and that he needed more time to figure out what he wants.

I feel hurt all over again.

My friends say he’s using me by sleeping with me at the weekend and then going back to his other life. I don’t know what to do – I’ve come so far, but I still love him. What would you advise?

What would you tell this reader to do? Have your say in the comment section



Coleen says

Well, I think you need to stop sleeping with him until you’ve worked it out – you need space to think about what’s best for you. Forget about what he wants. He left you and wasn’t willing to stick with you when you were struggling and needed him the most.

I think your friends are right. He’s having the best of both worlds at the moment and not promising you anything in the future. You’ve come so far on your own, so it’s important not to let him derail your progress.

It’s difficult to switch off your feelings for someone and it doesn’t happen ­overnight. These weekend liaisons are going to bring back all those lovely memories of when things were good between you, but it’s only a part-time thing – you’re not together 24/7.

So it’s important to remind yourself of what things were like when he wasn’t there for you and how you felt when he walked out.

I think if you did try again then a trial period with no promises on either side would be best. You’d need to unpick what went wrong in the relationship and why he walked out when the going got tough.

You want a partner who’s there during the good times and the bad.




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