‘My ex-girlfriend wants me to move back in as friends, but I need more from her’ – Coleen Nolan

A reader asks agony aunt Coleen Nolan for advice about his ex who thinks it’s a good idea for them to live together again for the sake of their son

Take a reconciliation slowly, Coleen Nolan urges (stock photo)

Dear Coleen

I split up with my long-term partner about a year ago. The pandemic was tough on us, as I was a waiter in a restaurant and lost my job.

Being at home together all the time and with very little money was a real struggle and my partner couldn’t cope and she thought the answer was to chuck me out. We also have a lovely son together, who’s nearly four.

I was devastated and still am – I’d give anything to be back in a relationship with her and to have our family back together.

Recently, she suggested that I move back home as my son misses me and has told her he wants to see more of me.

However, she’s not proposing we get back together in the romantic sense, so we’d simply be living together just as friends.

I don’t know if I can do this, but I’m seriously tempted to say yes in case she has a change of heart and she remembers what a great couple we used to be.

Am I clutching at straws here? What do you think I should do?

Coleen says

I think you need to be honest with her from the start and explain what your worries are – that it’s going to be hard because you still have feelings for her.

Yes, you could move back in as friends and see if the romance rekindles, but you have to be prepared that it might not and that might be difficult for you to cope with.

So, while it’s tempting to return and hope you’ll fall back in love, I’d go with honesty and admit you’re not sure you can actually live with her as a friend because you want more.

I think there’s a fairly good chance she’s thinking (or hoping) you might get back together.

If it were just a case of your son seeing more of you, this could be quite easily arranged without you having to move in with them, so it sounds more about her.

But she might be worried about admitting it in case she raises your expectations and it doesn’t work out.

If it does happen that a ­reconciliation is on the cards, then don’t jump back in with both feet – take it slowly and talk about the reasons that caused the break-up.

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