‘I’ve no body confidence since he admitted his affair was due to amazing sexual chemistry’ – Coleen Nolan

Dear Coleen

I’ve just lately came upon my long-term companion has had an affair. It’s such a cliché, however after turning into suspicious he was as much as one thing, I checked his cellphone, and located plenty of very intense emails that he’d exchanged with one other lady.

I confronted him and he knew he couldn’t lie, so all of it tumbled out whereas he cried and begged for forgiveness.

I pushed him for the main points and he instructed me it was nearly intercourse, that he and this different lady had wonderful sexual chemistry, however he claims he’s not in love together with her.

This admission minimize like a knife as a result of our intercourse life has been terrible and I really feel unhealthy about myself and my physique, which he is aware of. I misplaced my job and have been at dwelling for months, and I suppose I’ve misplaced curiosity in plenty of issues. I really feel so indignant that as a substitute of serving to me, he’s simply gone out and slept with another person.

Because we’re not married, I really feel so insecure. He says he’s sorry and desires to work on our relationship, however my shallowness and confidence have been destroyed. It was so onerous to listen to how attracted he was to this lady after we’ve been collectively for eight years.

Coleen says

It sounds as in case your shallowness was low earlier than the affair and it killed ­no matter you had left. I feel his excuse that it was “just sex” isn’t any excuse in any respect – is that alleged to make you’re feeling higher? Whether you’re married or not, he’s cheated, he’s lied to you, and it’s a betrayal.

From your letter, it feels a bit such as you’re placing the blame on your self – for shedding your job and your curiosity in life. What a companion is meant to do on this state of affairs is maintain you up and make you’re feeling higher, not run off an have an affair. This is all on him – it was his alternative. He crossed the road.

In phrases of transferring on, if that’s what you need, it’s going to take time, a variety of speaking, full honesty and presumably counselling, however the massive ­query is whether or not you possibly can belief
him once more.

And take into consideration this – in the event you rebuild your shallowness and begin fascinated about what you need, then you definately may realise you don’t have to put up with him.

He made his alternative, now it’s as much as you to resolve what you need as you progress ahead.

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