‘I’m having a secret fling with my boss – but I still love my boyfriend’ – Coleen Nolan

Dear Coleen,

I’ve been in a loving relationship with my boyfriend for two years – I’m 23 and he’s 25. I’m currently studying accountancy and I also work in a bar part-time to earn money.

We’ve started closing the bar early in the evenings because of Covid and the staff usually stay behind afterwards to have a couple of drinks before going home. For a while it was just my boss (who’s 29) and me who stayed for a drink, and we ended up sleeping together. The sex was amazing and now it’s become a regular thing.

I don’t know what to do because I love my boyfriend, but I’m really enjoying the sex with my boss. It’s frustrating because my boyfriend tends to work a lot, so I don’t see him as much as I’d like to.

My boss and I realise it’s not possible for us to be together as a couple, but I don’t like the idea of cheating on my boyfriend either. Can you help? I’m feeling very confused.

Coleen says,

Well, first things first – you can’t have your cake and eat it, too. You’re ­obviously starting to realise that because you
feel guilty.

How can you say you’re in a loving relationship when you can cheat so easily on your boyfriend? Perhaps at 23 you’re just not ready for a serious commitment?

If that’s the case, then you need to admit that to yourself and tell your boyfriend. But don’t sleep with this guy behind his back – think about how you’d feel if he were cheating on you with someone else. You’d be heartbroken.

You don’t say if your boss is single, but you’re not and you have a lot to lose by continuing this affair.

I think you need to think carefully about what you want – if it’s your boyfriend, then end this thing with your boss now and look at how you can see more of him instead.

If you don’t think you’re ready for an exclusive relationship, then tell him that. You don’t have to admit you’ve been sleeping with someone else.

Also, I’m not sure it was the smartest move to sleep with your boss – things could be awkward if you end the affair and still have to work together.

But I think you have to make a decision because the longer this sexual affair goes on, the more chance there is of your boyfriend finding out and then you’ll have to deal with the fallout. It’s better to be in control of the situation.

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