Lifestyle

‘I found out my wife had phone sex and online emotional affair with her old flame’ – Coleen Nolan

Dear Coleen, I’m a man in my 40s and have recently found out that my wife has been having some sort of emotional affair online with an old boyfriend.

We’ve been together for nearly 20 years, most of which have been very happy, and we also have two children together.

She was the one who told me about this other guy. I think guilt got the better of her and she gave me a blow by blow account of the whole thing.

It started out as reconnecting via social media, then they started to text and chat a lot, the messages became flirty and then sexual, and this progressed to phone sex on a few occasions. She told me they’ve never met in person since reconnecting online and that she’s going to tell him it’s over and they can’t chat any more.

What advice would you give? Have your say in the comment section



I’m feeling lost and don’t know what to do – it feels as if she’s been having an affair, even though it hasn’t been physical.

I don’t know why she’d do this – I’m a good husband, our sex life has always been fine and she knows I love her.

Can we get over this and move on?

Coleen says

Yes, you can get over it and stay together if it’s what you both want. You will both have to commit to working through why your relationship was vulnerable to this happening. It sounds like she’s formed an emotional attachment to this guy, so you have to look at why she’s not connecting to you in this way any more. She’s ­obviously missing something, which this other man is providing.

However, you mustn’t blame yourself – even if she was feeling bored, unfulfilled or undesired, it was still her choice to look outside the marriage instead of talking to you about how she felt.

This is still a betrayal and it’s still cheating, even if they didn’t meet in person. It’s certainly just as hurtful because she’s become really close to another man.

I think it’s important to talk honestly about how you each feel about your marriage and be prepared that some things might get said that are hurtful. But it’s the only way to move on positively.

If you can’t be honest and transparent from now on, you’re going to be constantly worried or suspicious.

I think it’s positive that she told you about this relationship before it went further and before you stumbled across it. The intention is obviously there to try to repair the damage and move on together.

That’s a solid place for you to start, but you should also consider relationship counselling. Good luck.




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