‘Husband confessed to an affair just after we got married – I can’t move on’ – Coleen Nolan

Dear Coleen,

My husband and I have been together for a few years, but only married last summer in a very small (Covid-friendly) ceremony.

I’d wanted to tie the knot for a long time, but always felt I was pushing him into it.

However, he took me by surprise with a lovely proposal and seemed keen for the opportunity to have a very low-key wedding. But he admitted to me just before Christmas that he’d been having an on/off affair for some time.

He was very upset when he told me and said he’d ended the affair, but couldn’t cope with the guilt and wants to make a fresh start with me.

I don’t know the other woman – she’s someone he’s known for a while through work friends – but I know she’s single. I’m heartbroken and it’s ruined Christmas, obviously. I ended up going to stay with my family and he stayed at our house.

I do love him, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to move on from the betrayal – I just feel so hurt and humiliated at the moment.

My parents and the rest of my family are so shocked.

They all like him and can’t believe he would do something like this.

I’d love some advice on how to move forward.

Coleen says,

If you do want to try, I don’t think you can expect things to improve quickly.

However, I do believe it’s possible to move on from it and stay together if it’s what you both want.

You’re going to feel hurt and devastated for a while, and working through it will be painful. It’s a crisis point and things could go either way, but the most important thing is that he’s honest about why he had the affair and that you can both talk openly about how you feel and whether or not you can move on from it.

The best way to do this is probably through relationship counselling (try ).

Trust takes a long time to rebuild, so both of you need to be prepared for that – it’s not a question of your husband simply unburdening himself of the guilt and “making a fresh start”.

You have to pick through all of the painful stuff and, at the end of it, you might decide you can’t forgive him and remain in the relationship.

I realise how shocking and disappointing this is, especially after you married recently but, trust me, no one will be judging you.

Anyone who loves you will support you and want what’s best for you – whatever decision you come to.

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