I’m a man in my mid-50s and I was made redundant a few months ago as a knock-on effect of the pandemic.
I’ve always had pretty good jobs and I’ve saved money over the years and I got a payout when I left work, so we’re not on the streets.
But the change in circumstances has really affected my marriage. My wife can’t cope with the shift in our “status” and the loss of my nice salary.
Although we can get by while I look for another job, I’ve told her we have to be sensible about spending until I’m earning again and she’s made it obvious she’s not happy about it.
She’s acting like it’s my fault that we’re in this situation and is angry all the time. She’s also ignored my request to cut back on luxuries. It hasn’t helped that I’m at home all the time at the moment, so we’re constantly in each other’s space.
We had a huge argument the other day and she told me she’d been thinking about leaving anyway.
I’m shocked and hurt by the way she’s reacted, but want to save our marriage if I can. Have you any ideas?
What would you tell this reader to do? Have your say in the comment section
OK, her response to this is immature, but it might be down to panic and her feeling insecure about your future.
In life things happen, our circumstances change and we’re thrown curve balls. It tests a relationship. It can break you as a couple or it can make you work as a team and bring you closer.
You need to remind her of that and also the facts: you’re not on the streets, you have savings to see you through and you’re looking for another job.
She’s not seeing the situation logically and is blaming you, which is the most hurtful thing of all as it sounds like you’ve been working hard all your life.
Yes, of course I think it’s possible to save the marriage, but you have to pull together and she needs to stop blaming you and focus her efforts on moving forward.
I think she needs to look back at the relationship you’ve built over the years and the many good things you’ve done together and be reminded of what she’s got to lose.
You need to be able to sit down together and have a calm conversation about how you tackle things positively.