NAPERVILLE, IL—Addressing members of the family from a entrance yard lectern, native dad Jim Martin delivered his annual state of the garden speech Tuesday, based on experiences from these in attendance. “Honey, kids, I am promising you right now, this year will bring a fuller, greener, and more robust lawn for everybody to enjoy, so long as we follow my plan and stick to the budget,” Martin mentioned within the extremely anticipated speech given every spring, continuing to put out an bold agenda for 1 / 4 acre that had seen its ups and downs in recent times—together with a big gap that not one of the household’s youngsters have owned as much as—after which detailing a five-year plan to overtake the sprinkler infrastructure. “I’m not going to sugarcoat things. The lawn is patchy, we have moles, and, between the powdery mildew and the crabgrass, it’s going to be a damn tough year. It’s tempting to give up and let the weeds take over, I know, but that’s not who the Martins are. We can replant and fertilize and come back better, stronger, and more evenly sown than ever. It won’t be easy. We’re going to need multiple applications of insecticide to keep those grubs at bay. And there are sacrifices to be made. We’re all just going to have to stay off those seedlings near the shed until the turf over there is tough enough to withstand the foot traffic. But make no mistake: The state of our lawn is strong.” Martin went on to say that he wouldn’t be taking questions on his controversial apply of mowing tremendous early on Saturday mornings.